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		<title>The harmful Effects of Unforgiveness &amp; Benefits of Forgiving are Worth Reading About!</title>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 29 Jan 2009 03:07:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>deborahkfinley</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[amazing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[healing]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Powerful]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[redemption]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[unforgiveness]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Chapter 1
Born to Run for my Life

My mother said I was born feet first, so I was
a pain from the beginning. “You cried all the
time when you were a baby,” she said. “You were so
stubborn, I wish I never had children,” I don’t know
why anyone would want to have children!
Words like this don’t do much for ones self
esteem. I decided to do some research to see if I
could find out anything positive. Well, according to
statistics/studies, less than 4% of babies are born feet
first. It actually states that breech birth is perfectly
normal and natural. It is a variation of normal and
not to be considered an emergency or dangerous.
The baby is in that position for a reason, and he/
she knows best. I guess I wanted to hit the ground
running. I thought it was kind of interesting when
I came across some information on the personality
traits of the breech. The breech personality is known
to be tough, a survivor, ambitious and tense according
to the Association of Birth Psychology and their
preliminary research to date. I choose to believe that
I was born feet first, because I was born to come out
running, running for my life. I was born to run the
race, and instead of coming out head first, I had a
head start by coming out feet first. Maybe it explains
my shoe fetish, and how I need to build another
room onto our house for all the shoes I have.

The Race of Life
Now, on a more serious note, I thought about
life and how it could be compared to a race. I was
reminded of how when you’re in a marathon and
how on the sidelines there are people cheering you
on. Also when you’re in a race it is vitally important
to be as lightweight as possible. So nothing holds
you back or pulls you down. If you were carrying
suitcases/baggage, it would hinder your endurance,
so you wouldn’t be able to keep running.
Many of us are carrying bags along with us in
life that are holding us back, that are keeping us
from having the freedom to run. We get bogged
down with all this weight: bitterness, unforgiveness,
hurts, fears, etc. When you think about it, we can
learn from the veteran runners in the Bible.
In the book of Hebrews it says we are surrounded
by such a great cloud of witnesses, and to throw off
everything that hinders and the sin that so easily
entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race
marked out for us. 

Not Weakness but Strength
Some people see forgiveness as a sign of weakness
when it actually is an attribute of the strong.
When I thought about it, anyone can hold a grudge,
that’s easy. It takes strength to forgive. I didn’t have
that kind of strength. It was love and compassion
that gave Jesus the drive to keep going and not give
up. It was his love and compassion that I needed.
God started helping me to see that he wouldn’t tell
me to forgive if it weren’t possible. I finally realized
that I needed to learn from the greatest forgiver,
Jesus Christ. He didn’t only forgive one or two, or
a dozen people for doing wrong against him. But he
forgave all of humanity.
As we travel down roads in our life we can be
quick to blame God for the hard roads that we go
down. Maybe we’re at a point and time in our life
because of choices that we have made years ago.
Maybe we could have made better choices that
could have resulted in a better road in which we are
now traveling.
Maybe we could have made a right turn to get
on the right road but because we made a left turn
another series of events happened. A lot of times we
can put our trust in the wrong things or the wrong
people which affects our future.

Everybody’s got a story. This is a story of a little girl
that though all the odds were stacked against her,
she did more than survived. She overcame insurmountable
obstacles. As she was growing up, she walked in
darkness, and it looked like the darkness was going to
overtake her. Love broke through that darkness so she
could finally see. A price was paid for her freedom and
she wants you to know that no matter how bad or how
hard life can be, no matter how bleak your future may
look, you can have a future with God.
The God of Restoration
You may think it’s too late, but as I always say,
better later than never. God is a God of restoration.
As you read my story I believe it will help you to
understand that forgiveness is not a feeling or an
emotion but a choice. She was three years old and
it was early morning. She was awakened by the her mom and dad. She could tell they were trying
to hold their voices down so not to wake her. She
tried to listen, but they were talking so softly that it
was hard to make out their words. She sensed that
there was something wrong. As she strained to hear,
it sounded like she heard her dad say that he was
sorry… She heard the front door slam.
Jumping out of bed quickly, she ran to the
window. She saw her father walking down the street
with a suitcase in each hand. “Where was he going?”
she thought. She ran into the kitchen. “Mommy”
Where’s daddy?” she asked.
“He’s gone, and he won’t be coming back”, she
replied.
Debbie ran to her room, and threw herself onto
her bed as she cried herself to sleep. How could
she be so mean, to make him go away? I heard him
say that he was sorry? All I knew was that the one
person that showed me such love was taken away
from me and I was so hurt. I wasn’t old enough to
understand. All I understood was that I was bitter
at my mother for making him leave. I kept this hurt
bottled up inside me and became very withdrawn.
A year went by and still, all I could think about
was how much I missed my daddy. I had dreams of
seeing him again and wondered if they would ever
come true. I was so mad at my mother, to the point
that when she spanked me, I refused to cry.
I refused to give her the satisfaction of showing
emotion. I was not old enough to understand
that there could be a reason why she sent him away.
When I grew older my mother told me that my dad
was a big gambler, that he didn’t have a regular
job, and that he was in the organization and did bad
things. I refused to believe it.
I knew my father was good. He was always good
to me. He showed love to me that she didn’t, why
should I believe her? I admired my father so much
and to hear her talk against him made me more upset
with her. In my eyes, my father could do no wrong. I
was crushed. How could I accept it? Especially when
he was the one that showed me the love I needed so
desperately. <img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=whatyourfutureholds.wordpress.com&amp;blog=6263354&amp;post=4&amp;subd=whatyourfutureholds&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>Watch powerful (10 min) TV Interview from the Harvest TV Show where Author-Deborah Finley discusses her book,&#8221;What Your Future Holds and What You Can Do To Change It.&#8221;</strong></p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/deborahkfinley">Powerful 10 min Harvest TV ShowInterview</a><strong> </strong><strong><a rel="nofollow" name="&amp;lid=ProfileWebsiteLink&amp;lpos=Profile" href="http://www.whatyourfutureholds.com/"></a></strong></p>
<p><strong><a rel="nofollow" name="&amp;lid=ProfileWebsiteLink&amp;lpos=Profile" href="http://www.whatyourfutureholds.com/">http://www.whatyourfutureholds.com/</a> </strong></p>
<p>According to studies, Doctors have found that there is a huge relationship between forgiveness and health. The fact is after being hurt, angry, suffering loss, real or false guilt, or envy, the blocked love flow profoundly affects the way your body functions, thus your health. This can cause alteration in the pattern of chemicals and electricity in your body. It also disrupts the harmony of the brain waves, making you less able to think clearly and to make good decisions.<br />
Stress of not having a Forgiving Spirit<br />
Unforgiveness distresses your muscular-skeletal system by increasing forehead muscle tension, thereby producing headaches, and by also producingother symptoms: stomach aches,muscle tension, joint pain/aches, dizziness and tiredness.For example, your muscles may tighten, causing imbalances or pain in your neck, back and limbs.There is decreased blood flow to the joint surfaces.This makes it more difficult for the blood to remove wastes from the tissues. It reduces the supply of oxygen and nutrients to the cells. This increases chances of delayed or inadequate repair during sleep, impairing recovery from injury, arthritis, etc.It can cause your teeth to clench at night contributing to problems with your teeth and jaw joints.Injury through inattention, accident, or violence is more likely. The peptide and hormonal chemical “messengers”are altered in every system of the body. The blood flow to your heart is constricted. Your digestion is impaired.<br />
And while forgiveness may not be the sole cause of all of them, it increases your vulnerability<br />
to them. It can set the scene for them, and it can delay or even prevent your recovery. The effects when you are unforgiving to yourself can include depression; low self esteem; depriving yourself of the good opportunities that life offers you; punishing yourself through activities or relationships that work out to harm yourself; addictions and so on.The alternative to forgiveness is bitterness and resentment. People who refuse to forgive hurt themselves.Bitter people are no fun to be around. They can’t sleep. Ulcers line their stomach. They see the negative in every situation because their life is filled with these feelings of resentment and anger.People who are unwilling to forgive may feel they are punishing the other person but the only person<br />
paying the price is themselves.<br />
According to the Bible if you harbor bitter envy and contention/selfish ambition in your hearts,you will find disorder and every evil practice.This wisdom does not come down from above butis earthly, unspiritual, and even demonic. James 3:14-16 As I traveled through life I started to realize that if the enemy can’t get us to walk away from God, he will try the next best thing by getting us to not forgive, because it hinders our prayers and therefore affects our relationship with God. David the Psalmist wrote, “If I regard iniquity in my heart the Lord will not hear.” Psalm 66:18 If God doesn’t hear our prayers, our prayers are hindered. If God doesn’t hear when we pray we pray without power. God commands us to walk in love. “Jesus said a new commandment I give unto you, that you love one another, as I have loved you, that<br />
you also love one another.” John 13:34 I’m so thankful that God didn’t say to forgive just to make things difficult for us. Just as an earthly father will tell us to listen for our own good, God<br />
tells us for our own good because when we walk in love, we are under God’s protection. When we walk out of love, we walk out from under God’s protection. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for<br />
Christ’s sake has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32<br />
<strong></strong>The benefits of forgiving are recently being discovered by science and have long been taught by religious organizations. Scientifically validated benefits of forgiving include the reduction of<br />
chronic pain, cardiovascular problems, a reduction of violent behavior, increased hope, and decreased levels of depression and anxiety.<br />
<strong></strong></p>
<p><strong>Burden Lifted</strong><br />
Most people, however, when they have reached forgiveness describe having a change in feelings,behaviors, and thoughts. They feel a huge burden lifted from their shoulders and think much more clearly. They are filled with compassion and love for the offender.They also have no more desire to pursue justice regarding the offender. Their thoughts and actions no longer focus on revenge. In order for forgiveness to take place, a softening of the heart needs to occur in the heart of the offended. Many people have found prayer to be an invaluable part of the forgiveness process. Inviting divine help as you try to forgive someone who has offended you<br />
is a powerful way to experience a change of heart. Forgiveness is God’s antidote for anger.<br />
Maybe you feel that you can’t forgive. I believe that if you know the Creator and choose to be strong in him that you can. Just as God’s mercy and grace has a transforming effect in your life, your extension of that grace to others has power to transform them. An act of forgiveness is the result of God working through us enabling us to love as even he loves as we abide in him. It’s not natural but is supernatural,that’s why so many say, “How can I forgive? I can’t forgive.” Forgiveness is not an emotion but is an act of the will, as we set our will to do God’s will. God will honor our obedience and will fill us with his love and power. As you pray for your offender you will begin to feel the compassion and love that the Lord has for them and you will experience a release and a freedom as a result. Dr. Enright and Zell 1989 believe that forgiveness should include both love and letting go of anger in spite of unjust injury. Misunderstanding still abounds regarding the true meaning of forgiveness.<br />
Often, people say, “Forgive and forget” But how can we forget the horrible things we have endured? How can we forget the wounds and scars we wear each day? How can we forget<br />
the Holocaust? We need to forgive and remember, so that the evil will not be repeated. Others<br />
say, “Forgiveness means that we need to excuse, condone, or pardon the wrongs done to us.”<br />
But wrong is still wrong, regardless of whether we forgive the offender. When one forgives, one does not open a jail cell door but has an effective and possibly behavioral transformation toward the injurer; one can forgive and see justice realized. Some equate forgiveness with reconciliation, but how can we invite the perpetrators back into our lives, when there is no<br />
apology and no willingness to change their destructive ways?<br />
True Forgiveness<br />
Forgiveness is not intended to turn us into willing victims! Ideally, the forgiveness process may<br />
lead to reconciliation, but it has to be a reciprocal relationship, and involves acknowledging wrong— doing and making amends. Unilateral forgiveness does not necessarily lead to reconciliation. We need to know the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. It is also important to differentiate between pseudo forgiveness and genuine forgiveness. When we say we have forgiven someone, but still harbor grudges and resentments or maintain an attitude of indifference and neutrality, we have only achieved pseudo forgiveness.Complete forgiveness involves complete transformation toward the offender. To some, it seems reasonable to maintain a psychological or physical difference to avoid getting hurt again, until there is some indication that the perpetrator has changed his or her ways, but others would argue that such psychological barriers should disappear when one has completed the forgiveness process.<br />
Again, Enright and Zell write, “Forgiveness is more than a moral imperative, more than a theological dictum. It is the only means, given our humanness and imperfections, to overcome hate and condemnation and proceed with the business of<br />
growing and loving.”</p>
<p>These are excerpts from Author-Deborah Finley&#8217;s book,&#8221;What Your Future Holds and What You Can Do To Change It.&#8221; <strong><strong>Retail <strong>Price is $16.99 for Soft Cover but get a signed copy today at a discount, only $15.00 by clicking next link NOW<strong> AVAIL</strong> IN eBOOK TOO!</strong></strong><br />
<a href="http://shop.whatyourfutureholds.com">http://shop.whatyourfutureholds.com</a></strong></p>
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		<pubDate>Wed, 21 Jan 2009 16:17:09 +0000</pubDate>
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